My MS had control of me in almost every way for a couple of years. The grief that came with my diagnosis and quickly accruing disability felt like more than I could bear. I had been a young, active mother before MS hit, and I felt like I was watching my dream of a well-planned life slip away. Depression set in, and I jumped right into bed with it. Managing my family and household responsibilities became overwhelming. It didn’t see the value in trying to find joy in my day to day life as long as there was a peg leg and rollator involved. I could only conjure up visions of paralysis and impending doom. (I have never been one to “underreact”.)
Many months passed and I operated on autopilot. As the initial panic after diagnosis began to subside, I was relieved that I had not yet become the vegetable of my nightmares. “I might have enough time to enjoy a few things”, I thought to myself. I had learned to rest when I needed to and began feeling a little better overall. I slowly started to engage in hobbies and activities I enjoyed that wouldn’t leave me completely exhausted; a simple craft here, a small baking project there. I took up growing houseplants again, something that I have always loved, but hadn’t done much of since becoming a mother a few years ago. I basked in the time it took each week to care for them, and soon 5 plants turned into 25. I was distracted from the constant reminders and challenges of living with MS, if only for a short while. It was just what I needed, and soon I realized I was having fun!
I sought out more and more things that were interesting or brought me contentment. I started an Ancestry project, and became obsessed; working on it days or late evenings when I could find the time. I loved the flexibility of being able to research whenever I felt up to it. Hubs and I started planning family game nights and at-home date nights weekly. I bought an electric trike and began hitting the neighborhood streets, and it felt as good as receiving my first bicycle as a child. I was getting out and fetching the mail all by myself with the wind in my hair again! I had little time to lament the things “I used to be able to do”, because I was focused on what I was actually doing. Not rocket science, but it took me quite awhile to figure out how to help myself, and it was working.
Eventually, my new routines had fully taken shape, and become part of my life. When I woke up every morning, my rollator was still parked by the bed waiting for me, but it no longer brought a wave of despair. I had things to do, and I was ready to enjoy them! Scheduling little moments into my day that I could look forward to made a big difference in my mental health and overall outlook on life.
Sometimes family life doesn’t allow for much “me time”, but simple things can be a great attitude boost. Inserting a joyful moment during a rough day can ease stress and lift your mood. Enjoying a cup of coffee, soaking in the bathtub at the end of a long day, or a taking a few minutes to scroll Instagram while eating a snack in your closet (okay, that one may be just me), can be a quick “reboot” to a better head space. Intentionally making time for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary to thrive and enjoy good mental health regardless of your medical status. Next time you are working on your schedule, be sure to include some time just for yourself and wait for the happiness; it may take a little time, but it’s coming.
Stares and Steps 